the oFTEN uNSEEN & Anemone berlandieri

by Ritual Union with Brandi

After not writing for almost half a year, I’m provoked to muse into the  adrift storages of defeat, disappointment, lethargy, loneliness, and many other feelings we relish in when identifying ourselves as we mode into some dis-preferred moments of uncertainty. I have had to ask my self what keeps me going plenty and almost daily. A lot of my existence is devotional & in purposeful pursuit of understanding, and now bringing forth childlike play to the less innocent adult universe. Since a child, I have been webbed into paradox, and amazed by the double vision of light and dark – in many situations. I have wondered about life and the seemingly guaranteed disappointments. Happiness really takes courage. “Happiness is finding joy in sudden disappointment.” Some shaman said that. That moment on after hearing that, I realized how much in myself I had blocked from so many accessing my rich and fertile happiness.

I walk outside to concentrate, or to be aware, to have peace of mind and massage the ongoing connection to the world somehow inside. The sun is a tuning fork on my senses, and across my pupils shadows soothe and light blends a freckled feeling of radiance. I feel like a cat, slightly spastic with sensation yet calm. I twist my ankle all of a sudden (metaphor for shocking disappointment) and I’m impacted with a stinging flood and panic inflames. Ideally, I stay breathing and not fleeting as I witness the body stricken and I coo my resisting surrender. I stay still, remembering my lessons from Anemone berlandieri (relative of windflower). She pats me on my head, she pats and pets my head until I loosen the grip of expectation, who I am stamps meaningful symbols all through out my comprehending self. I’m asked to completely let go (often), but how often I realize I’m squeezing some fist (even in the famous yogic corpse pose, in beauty sleep, monitoring patterns of stress enveloping a tensioned hope in dreams). I’m well aware of the grip. We all know about pain, and the subdued feelings we might be avoiding. We pack it down into our bodies, like clay, then something cracks us open and the fixed attitude resurfaces.  When it rains it pours. It is not necessarily a bad thing. Behold the silver lining.

In the moment of unremovable pain, what is the pain?

Humans have resistance to change. I am human so I speak for humans. Change is as valuable as breath. Breath bathes the soul and creates safe place for processing fear. The soul is to flow like a river, probably never on the same route, ever adapting and softening the ground beneath the course. We have a chance to repattern our reaction yet again. We twinge and glow in a silver lining. Someone looks at you and they see your potential, or rather they just see you. You look in the mirror and you just see that humbled you, and you glow.

He dumped me means I may have to change the way I auto-pilot, most definitely we freak out about the change in comfort, starting over, difficult rebirth. I twist my ankle and now I’m grateful to remember how to walk, to communicate the feet.  As now awareness of how I walk has increased, I am rehabilitating through mindful slowness, and my ego is dissolving -my identity inherently will change.

I have been told much of my life that I am a shape shifter, that I am weird, that I am bold, and many other possibilities. I am an investigator of the unseen, the design of consciousness, delving into the roots of the origin, attempting to untie the unconscious knot being presented in every situation, every disappointment, and yes this can layover existential dilemmas, hence the need for this post in a nut shell.

I want to remind everyone to challenge your resistance and reflect on choice. Underneath our broken hearts is a reservoir of resilient lions playing a wild song of strength and innocence. I could go on writing about the silver lining in every imaginable hue of the Ouroborus – but really, I just wanted to inspire maybe just a few humans, to listen, to be gentle, to lay off the pedal and open the palm in the awry, for the moment is pure.

If you want to learn more about Anemone berlandieri please ask. I am studying the plant world and relationships betwixt. I’d be happy to converse with you more.

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